Wedding Etiquette for Guests!

With the start of May, wedding season is ramping up. Knowing the proper etiquette for wedding guests will make all the weddings you attend fun and less stressful. Many people simply don’t know the preferred things to do when invited to a wedding, so today we will share the most important etiquette for when you find yourself invited to a wedding. 

1. RSVP quickly.

2. Review the wedding website.

3. Don’t bring extra guests.

4. Follow dress code requests.

5. Follow the seating chart.

6. Don’t get drunk and behave poorly.

7. Write out an appropriate toast.

8. Stay out of the photographer’s way.

9. Manage expectations.

10. Say thank you!

Invitations 

Receiving a wedding invitation is fun and exciting. Invitations are a significant part of the wedding and generally contain important information. The envelope is essential on its own. Pay careful attention to the names on the envelope. 

• Ex. “Mr. and Mrs. Ryan and Catherine Jones, Samuel, Sarah, and Simon”

• Ex. The Jones Family

The envelope's address will indicate who is invited. First, pay attention to each name. Is anyone in the family excluded? Second, if the invite is to a “family,” check the invitation inside for a second envelope or further instructions. It’s best not to assume who is invited and who is not.

Check the wedding invitation for additional information, including a website where you can find more details on the event, including how to RSVP. This will show most clearly who is invited.

RSVP quickly. Since you’re already on the website, make a decision about attending and then commit to attend or politely decline. RSVPs for weddings should be treated with respect and care. That means it is rude and unkind to wait until the last minute to RSVP - or worse, to not RSVP at all.

Why it matters to RSVP: A timely RSVP matters because catering, cake, seating, and party rentals are based on the number of attendees. Food is often priced per person, cake per slice, and chairs are rented based on how many people need to sit. As a result, knowing early how many people will attend is helpful for budgeting and ensuring enough food for guests. As soon as you can make a firm decision, complete the RSVP. It’s also important NOT to bring an uninvited guest since pricing is based on a strict number of guests. If an invitation does not say “Ryan Jones and guest,” a guest is not invited. 

Review the wedding website.

Many couples today have a wedding website with the details of their wedding included. It’s best to familiarize yourself with the website to know what is expected at the event(s) and the dress code requirements. Generally, more information will be available online, and this is helpful for both the couple and the guests. Read thoroughly. You’ll be glad you did, especially if you planned to wear your favorite green dress and the dress code is specifically “please wear black.”

Don’t bring extra guests.

If an invitation does not say “Ryan Jones and guest,” then a guest is not permitted. Please refer to the information above on how pricing works for most weddings. Pricing is based per person, and invitations should reflect exactly who is invited, provided the bride and groom followed proper etiquette when addressing them. If your cousin is visiting town that weekend, do not bring them to the wedding unless you ask the bride and groom first. It is rude to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding without permission. 

If someone in a family is left off of an invitation, it could be a simple mistake. In this case, it is acceptable to inquire if that person was left off by mistake. The phrasing of the question matters. 

Follow the dress code.

Dress code information will be included on the website or on the invitation itself. Follow the dress code to show respect and care for the bride and groom. If a specific color is required, try to include as much of it as possible in your outfit. For men, this may mean a color-specific vest, bowtie, tie, or shirt. For ladies, it may mean a whole dress of one color. If clarity is needed, ask the bride and groom.

Follow the seating chart.

To start the reception, it’s respectful and kind to follow the seating chart. The seats were chosen for a reason. Once the meal is over and the party begins, most guests will mingle and move as needed to visit with people they want to see and talk with, and this is perfectly acceptable. The formal part of the evening is over, and guests will begin to leave anyway. Once the formal part is over, it is then acceptable to mingle and visit with others. Until then, stick to table 7 if that’s where you’re assigned. It’s good to make new friends.

Don't get drunk and behave poorly.

Much explanation should not be necessary for this, but the point is not to behave badly. This is not your party or your dollar on the line. If consuming alcohol, do so responsibly while drinking water and eating food. You will save yourself from being embarrassed as the drunk guest who looked foolish.

Write out an appropriate toast.

If you feel inclined to toast or to speak, write down what you’re going to say ahead of time. This will help you be considerate of time, direct, concise, and everyone will be grateful for what you said rather than wishing you would stop talking. The goal of the toast is, “that’s the best toast I’ve ever heard,” rather than “oh my goodness, I thought he would never stop talking.”

Stay out of the photographer’s way.

Please refrain from using your phone camera to capture special moments that the photographer is also trying to capture. Stepping out into the aisle during the processional or recessional is a big faux pas. The photographer has been hired and paid handsomely to do their job and document the night. Please, let them work. 

Manage expectations

It is tempting to have high expectations for events like weddings and receptions. Keep in mind, this is not your wedding. You’re an honored guest. It’s an honor to be a guest because you were invited to be there at all. Some people did not make the list because weddings and receptions are expensive. Manage your expectations about how much time you will get to spend with the bride and groom, even if you’d love to visit with them all night long. Many other guests also feel the same. 

Say thank you!

Take a brief moment to find the father of the bride and thank him for this beautiful wedding and reception party that you have enjoyed. Thank him for the meal, the drinks, the cake, and for being included. Thank the mother of the bride, who has been instrumental in planning the event. Thank the bride and groom for being invited and included. Gratitude goes a long way in each of our lives. Saying thank you to the person who paid for you to have such a fantastic evening will be something the father of the bride remembers for a very long time. 

For more wedding etiquette, or just to confirm that these unspoken rules matter, please see these related articles:

• Vogue

• The Knot

• Martha Stewart

Royal Affairs Ballroom is a beautiful venue located conveniently in Old Town Lewisville. Our ballroom is spacious and accommodates groups of any size. We also have a fantastic rooftop terrace overlooking Main Street that is perfect for an intimate dinner. We specialize in stress-free events. Call us today at 972-221-6565 to schedule a private tour and to secure your preferred date.